AlmostGruntled
I write a column for HippoPress called Almost Gruntled. It is meant to be a humorous look at my day-to-day life. The title was inspired by a quote from Elvis Costello - "I used to be disgusted, but now I try to be amused." Not too many years ago, I was a young disgruntled writer. Over the past few years however, things have been getting better and better until now, I'm not so disgruntled anymore. In fact, I'm Almost Gruntled
Why there haven't been any new columns in quite a while:
With a new child, work and grad school, I've had to take a hiatus from the column. It is my hope that as soon as I get some sleep, I'll be able to appreciate all the funny things that must happen to me on a daily basis that I'm missing at the moment and write columns about them.
I did get one new column out this past winter, however. (See below)
"Looking a Gift-Something-Or-Other in the Mouth": in which my wife and I ponder some mysterious gifts we have found in our mailbox. (Winter, 2006)
"Looking Back: A Year In Stupiity": in which I rate my stupidest moments of 2004. (27 January, 2005)
“Eek!": in which my wife and I deal with an uninvited houseguest. (25 November, 2004)
“Wipe Down With Baby Oil and Bake at 350◦ For 45 Minutes…”
: in which I start feeling my way around this whole fatherhood thing. (18 November, 2004)
“Harry, Meet World - World, Meet Harry”
: in which I gain a son. (28 October, 2004)
“Losing My Head - A Tragedy In One Act”
: in which my wife cruely and spitefully keeps me from living my dream. (21 October, 2004)
“Baby Class - Oh, The Horror, The Horror!”
: in which I find an unlikely link between a high school Driver's Ed class and having a baby. (9 September, 2004)
“Naming Our Child: The Search For Dignity Continues”
: in which my wife and I fail spectacularly to agree. (22 July, 2004)
“Just What Kind of Radioactive Animal Does a Guy Like Me Need to Get Bitten By?”
: in which my superpowers fail me. (10 June, 2004)
“She’d Like Two Scoops of Mint Chip with Hot Fudge and Clams, Please”
: in which I eventually put two and two together. (29 April, 2004)
"Call Me Sparky": in which I attempt a home improvement project. (1 April, 2004)
"Myth Apprehensions": in which I suggest the basis for a new religion. (11 March, 2004)
"Adventures of the Angel of Death": in which I lay out my rules for attending funerals. (12 February, 2004)
"Oh, My Cod!": in which I try to understand what the people around me are saying and what that has to do with seafood. (15 January, 2004)
"A Very Gruntled Christmas, Part III": in which I come to the realization that I have already used up my lifetime supply of good gift ideas. (18 December, 2003)
"I Can't Remember What I Was Supposed to Call This Column": in which I pay the consequences for my forgetfulness. On the upside, I get a cool new cell phone. (19 November, 2003)
"Two Theories": in which I figure out why the inanimate objects in my life have turned on me. (6 November, 2003)
"Losing My Marbles": in which I try to sit through a staff meeting. (16 October, 2003)
"My Career As a Cat Burglar": in which I accidentally steal a woman's cat. (25 September, 2003)
"The Parenthood Project": in which I try to make sense of the whole progeny thing. (28 August, 2003)
"Ways In Which I've Injured my Wombat": in which I discuss appalling injuries in as discrete a manner possible. (14 August, 2003)
"War": in which I may have met my match. (31 July, 2003)
"Radio Karma": in which I explore a possible connection between the worst radio in the world and the death of Barry White. (July, 2003)
"Hmph!": in which I am introduced to my wife's extended family.(June, 2003)
"Looking Spiffy": in which I take a hard look at my fashion sense. (June, 2003)
"Building the Ottoman Empire": in which my marriage undergoes its first real test - buying furniture. (May, 2003)
"Pez": in which I think outside the box to provide the city of Manchester, NH with a solution to one of its most pressing problems. (April, 2003)
"The Prairie Dog People Are Coming!": in which I try to warn the city of Manchester of its impending doom. (6 March, 2003)
"Lug Nuts": in which I explore the genetic nature of my mechanical ineptitude.(13 February, 2003)
"I Have a Big Mouth and I Get Mugged a Lot": in which the universe conspires to get me in trouble with my wife.(30 January, 2003)
"Life as a Scary Movie": in which I learn that Alfred Hitchcock might not be as dead as you might think.(3 January, 2003)
"Mimi Ni Bond, James Bond": in which I try to learn Swahili.(5 December, 2002)
"Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet; We're Hunting Houses": in which my wife makes the mistake of trusting me to look for a house. (28 November, 2002)
"My Complex Relationship With Dogs": in which I learn the true meaning of the phrase "Man's Best Friend".(14 November, 2002)
"Ow! Ow! My Eye! I've Got Rice in It!": in which I get married. (31 October, 2002)
"Polly Want a Smacker?": in which I subject a small girl to a very traumatic experience involving chocolate and a parrot. (24 October, 2002)
"The Secret Life of a Superette": in which I speculate on what really goes on in a small Mom&Pop market once the door is locked. (10 October, 2002)
"Why I'm Afraid of Children": in which I beat an orphan. (3 October, 2002)
"Lip Gloss and the Supernatural": in which I discover Spanish language soap operas. (September, 2002)
"Adventures In Shaving": in which I reluctantly remove my goatee.(18 July, 2002)
"Dental Hijinx": in which I have a shocking experience in the oral hygene arena. (13 June, 2002)
"Why I Have to Listen to NPR in My Car": in which I... well, actually the title says it all. (6 June, 2002)
"You're Very Light on my Feet": in which I take ballroom dance lessons. (30 May, 2002)
"Antics": in which I take my nephew to a "restaurant" more suited to him than to myself. (10 April, 2002)
"Desert With Helga": in which I fail to score points with the cashier at a convenience store. (28 March, 2002)
"Pigs in Blankets": in which I ask the important question, "What's up with wedding food anyway?" (March, 2002)
"Classic Cartoons as a Genetic Marker": in which I document a previously unremarked-upon, but hugely important difference between the sexes. (28 February, 2002)
"Breakfast With Jane Goodall": in which I forage in the wilderness of my kitchen for breakfast. (21 February, 2002)
"Wedding Snobs": in which I learn some of the harsh realities of getting married. (24 January, 2002)
"A Very Gruntled Christmas": in which I brave the mall during Christmas shopping season. (December, 2001)
"Two Conversations:": Why I may or may not be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. (1 November, 2001)
"An Unlikely Superhero:": in which I try to credit the people at the next table with paranormal powers.
(November, 2001)
"What's The Point?:": in which I try to lose some weight. (4 October, 2001)
"Bags:": in which I try to exercise some environmental responsibility. (13 September, 2001)
"Stupid Is as Stupid Does:": in which I achieve some degree of humility. (6 September, 2001)
"Why I'm Nervous:": in which I accidentally make a blood enemy. (2 August, 2001)
"Banking Wrath:": in which I take my bank to task for substandard customer service. (July, 2001)
"My Life on the Streets:": in which I learn that pigeons are NOT our Fine Feathered Friends. (May, 2001)
"The Sweet Smell of Masculinity:": Choosing a cologne is not for the faint of heart. (1 March, 2001)
"Hemp Fashion Show:": I covered a hemp fashion show and learned that I'm not terribly hip - a painful discovery.
(15 February, 2001)
"Why I Like Where I Live": Reasons why Manchester, New Hampshire is a cool place to live. (1 February, 2001)
"Snow Day": A few impressions of my first snow storm in Manchester. (18 January, 2001)
"It's Been A Long Day and I'm Very, Very Tired": in which I become better aquainted with with someone I met three columns ago. (12 December, 2000)
"Tofu Dreams": in which I go shopping. (28 November, 2000)
"Lord Gym": in which I join a gym. (14 November, 2000)
Chapter Two: in which I make some new friends. (31 October, 2000)
My Life As Mary Tyler Moore: in which I move to a new town and get a haircut. (17 October, 2000)
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