An actual conversation which is proof that I am the stupidest person on the planet:
Me: "Hey! How are you? How long has it been?" Her: "Almost a year. You look great!" Me: "You too. Are you and Tony still going out?" Her: "You won't believe it - we're getting married!" Me: "To each other?"
No, wait a second - maybe I'm not:
(overheard in a restaurant) Bartender: "So, why did you think I'd know this?" Waitress 1: "It's the sort of useless thing you would know. Do you know how to do it or don't you?" Bartender: "Um, actually I do." Waitress 1: "So, how do you do it?" Bartender: (Sighs) "Okay, it's like this. When you cut open an avocado, you'll notice that the pit is in the exact middle. It's kinda pointy, like the avocado, right?" (Waitress nods.) "The pointy end is the end that goes up." Waitress 1: "In the avocado or in the glass?" Bartender: "Both." Waitress 1: "But wait, this is supposed to work in dirt too, right?" (Bartender nods.) "Well, wouldn't the sharp end stab into the dirt?" Bartender: "No, think of it like this - the avocado is on the tree. It gets really ripe and plops off, right? Which end is going to hit the ground? The fat end, right?" Waitress 1: "Um, yes. I guess so. So, you just drop the pit in a glass of water and it grows?" Bartender: "No, you have to suspend it with toothpicks." Waitress 1: (Now joined by another waitress) "Huh?" Bartender: (Picks up a lime and three toothpicks.) "Okay, this is your pit, right?" (Waitress nods.) "You stab a toothpick in here... and here... and here... and then you set it on the rim of the glass like this. Then you fill the glass up to the top like this, and that will do it. You can't submerge the whole pit or it won't grow." Waitress 1: "And it will grow into an avocado?" Bartender: "Yeah, it's really pretty foolproof." Waitress 2: "No way!" Bartender: "Um, yeah. It's not that tough..." Waitress 2: "And it really grows into an avocado?! That's amazing!" Bartender: (With quizzical look) "No, really. It's no big deal." Waitress 2: "That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard in my life!" Bartender: "What do you mean?" Waitress 2: "You can grow an avocado from a lime?!"
